Dear Hudson,
Well. It seems time has caught up to us, the way time does. Tomorrow is the last day of school and next year you will be heading to Jr. High. This is a good thing - I can see you are ready. But it's always strange for a mom to let a sweet chapter end. I must admit that I'm going to miss this chapter. I will miss seeing you walk your little brothers into school each day. I'm going to miss driving by the school and waving to you and your posse out at recess. I'm going to miss watching you race Owen and Jude to the car after school - those huge grins spread across your faces. (I won't miss when you all fight about who won.) I'm going to miss so many things about this stage of life - the stage when all four of my boys were little. The years flew by. Boy, did they fly.
The last couple of months you've been acting a bit more "teenager-ish". You think you are right. A lot. You roll your eyes at me. A lot. You boss your brothers around. A lot. You choose to be with your friends instead of us. A lot.
From what I hear, this is only the beginning and there will be some rough years ahead. But it's ok because, buddy you are still just the coolest kid I could imagine. I thought I'd write you a little letter (before the rough years really settle in) telling you just how much I like you.
Huds, I really, really like the person you are. I catch myself watching you in wonder sometimes because you have so many qualities I admire.
You are fun. You are funny. You wake up early - ALWAYS happy to start your day, ready to make us laugh. You are even happy waking up at 5:40 am for basketball practices - I don't know how you can be so happy at that time of day! But I'm super grateful anyway. You are silly. I see so many kids around you who are so worried about looking cool that they don't let themselves just relax and enjoy life. You enjoy your life and this fun energy is contagious.
I love that you attempted learning to play the cello this year - even though it didn't go too well! I really like that you wanted to try even
if it didn't look like the cool thing to do. I can guarantee there is
some little boy who watched you play with the orchestra who now thinks
that playing an instrument is something worth trying. I loved going to
those concerts and seeing you pulling goofy faces while you played
because you knew I was capturing it on video and you wanted to spice it
up.
You are a great friend. You have so many friends - and your friends have so many friends because you have brought them all together. I remember when you were in 3rd grade and you told me you were going to sit by London at lunch that day and make him be your friend. Who would have guessed you'd become such great friends and he'd become great friends with all your other friends? When Quincy moved in you took him under your wing and he immediately had ten boys to hang out with every recess. You are happy being with your school friends, ward friends, tennis friends....whoever! You're just happy anytime you get to spend time with your guys.
I have been so impressed watching you with your friends and teammates because you are so supportive of them. I know that it can't always be easy watching some of the success and attention your friends receive. Not everyone could be best friends with kids who are athletic freaks and superstars! But I notice you being the first to cheer and give them a high five as you run down that court. I see you smiling, laughing and congratulating them in the huddle when they make that touchdown pass. You have never once complained or tried to down play their talents. You seem to enjoy just being a part of it all.
One of the things I love most about you is your ability to relate to and be kind to all different types of people. I've seen you make some great interceptions and that is exciting and makes me happy - but not nearly as happy as I feel watching you help the underdog. Seeing you put your arm around that lonely kid or pushing a wheelchair through the snow day after day - now that makes a mom's heart feel like it may just burst right open. I have heard stories about you, you know - I know that you gave your sandwich to that kid who didn't have a lunch. I know you pass the ball to that boy who never gets the ball. I know you let your brother hang out with you and your friends at recess when it's been a bad week for him. You have a good heart and you watch out for people. I know who you are Hudson. I love who you are.
I love that you know your teachers and leaders are sacrificing for you and you appreciate it. I love that you always tell Dad and me how much you love us - that you love to talk to us and lay in bed reading by Dad. I love when you ask me to hang out with you. I love when you randomly grab my hand. I love the way you treat your grandparents.
I love that you are smart. I love that you are most sad to leave the librarian at the school because you guys have bonded over your love of books. I love that she would ask you which books to order for the school and that the library is full of some great Hudson Boxx recommendations. I love that you study and you know school matters.
I love that you are a spiritual person and you know that life is about something much bigger than video games, friends and sports. You have always wanted to learn about the gospel, heaven, the scriptures. It drives me a little crazy that you know the scripture stories better than I do, but you are a sponge and soak it all in. I love that you make sure you pass the sacrament to our row each Sunday and that you smile at me as you hand us the tray.
Do you think I can talk about the big brother you are without crying? Probably not because there is no way to express how much your role as big brother means to me. I seriously lucked out that you are my oldest. You are their leader, example, protector, and best best friend. Oh your brothers look up to you so much. Thank you for putting your arm around Owen when he was sitting next to you last week. Thank you for reading to Jude yesterday. Thank you for spinning Quinn around and calling him your best little little guy. Thank you for sleeping on your brothers floor night after night because they want you to be in the room with them, listening to your beloved books on disc. I know you are going to miss that little spot on the floor one day. And I KNOW I'm going to miss knowing all my little boys are tucked into that one small bedroom together. Right next door to my room....
I love that you like my cooking.
I love that you pretend like you don't like girls.
I love that you make jokes about going through puberty.
I love that you wear holes in your shoes because you are the boy who never stops moving.
I love that you have that huge scar across you chin and you think it's cool.
I love that you like to write and have a binder full of stories.
I love that you have perfected cooking grilled cheese sandwiches.
As hard as it is to close these chapters, I am completely enjoying watching you grow. I am excited to watch you move into this next phase of life. I know you are going to have a great time. You are an amazing kid - and when the eye rolling gets really out of control I can always come back to this letter and remind myself why I still like you so much.
All my love forever,
Mom
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Eye Contact 101
Since we moved into this home four years ago, the house behind us has been vacant. This means that we have been free to roam about our kitchen wearing whatever we want (or in my boys case - whatever they DON'T want), without worry. But one month ago a great new family moved into that empty house. A mom, a dad, and 3 girls the same ages as my oldest three. They are cute, sweet, quiet girls.
Well, our kitchen window looks down into the kitchen window of our new neighbors. Even though the houses are a good distance away I have still had to gasp a few times as my boys streak by our sliding glass door without a thought to those 3 innocent girls eating breakfast right behind their own sliding glass door! "Boys listen. I SERIOUSLY don't want YOU to be the ones to educate those sweet girls about....stuff."
They are getting better with the modesty - or at least running past the glass really, really fast.
Another thing my boys are sure to laugh about when they think of their childhood.
Anyway, when evening comes and the neighbors turn their lights on I can see them sitting down to dinner. It's always at 6:15. They gather around the table with the food laid out family style. They pray, then eat. They talk, they smile, they pass the food with manners. And then around 7:00 they all get up and start clearing the table and washing the dishes together. It's lovely. It really is. I feel like I have a front row seat to a beautiful, functioning family and it makes me happy.
But, if I am being honest I will admit that I have started closing our kitchen curtains every night at dinner time. Not because I mind that I can see their dinner routine - but because I am hiding our own. It aint pretty around here between the hours of 5-8. Not pretty at all.
Seeing the difference between our routine and the neighbors routine actually had me giggling for the first week. Then I started to worry that one day my boys will be stunted socially because they didn't participate each night in that all important sit down family meal. I really do think it's important. Will they end up registering for "Intro To Basic Conversation Skills" and "Eye Contact 101" when they get to college? Maybe.
But it's January so I figured I could make a new goal for our little crew. You'd think the goal would be to gather my boys around the table at 6:15 each night and attempt to mimic the great example we've been given....but that's just not going to happen. Most nights we are at a game or practice at that time of day and dinner is out on the counter for all to enjoy when they can get to it. You may sit or stand, use paper or plastic, eat a little or a lot, heat it up or eat it cold....like I said, it's not exactly pretty. Darn.
I've decided that the most important idea though, is the gathering together part and I'm trying to make that happen. We are going to be living room gatherers instead of kitchen gatherers. We are going to engage our kids in conversation without an electronic device in any of our hands. We are going to talk and laugh and share stories and make eye contact. We are going to teach them about politics, religion, geography, and calculus....no, that's not true. We are just going to talk.
Well, our kitchen window looks down into the kitchen window of our new neighbors. Even though the houses are a good distance away I have still had to gasp a few times as my boys streak by our sliding glass door without a thought to those 3 innocent girls eating breakfast right behind their own sliding glass door! "Boys listen. I SERIOUSLY don't want YOU to be the ones to educate those sweet girls about....stuff."
They are getting better with the modesty - or at least running past the glass really, really fast.
Another thing my boys are sure to laugh about when they think of their childhood.
Anyway, when evening comes and the neighbors turn their lights on I can see them sitting down to dinner. It's always at 6:15. They gather around the table with the food laid out family style. They pray, then eat. They talk, they smile, they pass the food with manners. And then around 7:00 they all get up and start clearing the table and washing the dishes together. It's lovely. It really is. I feel like I have a front row seat to a beautiful, functioning family and it makes me happy.
But, if I am being honest I will admit that I have started closing our kitchen curtains every night at dinner time. Not because I mind that I can see their dinner routine - but because I am hiding our own. It aint pretty around here between the hours of 5-8. Not pretty at all.
Seeing the difference between our routine and the neighbors routine actually had me giggling for the first week. Then I started to worry that one day my boys will be stunted socially because they didn't participate each night in that all important sit down family meal. I really do think it's important. Will they end up registering for "Intro To Basic Conversation Skills" and "Eye Contact 101" when they get to college? Maybe.
But it's January so I figured I could make a new goal for our little crew. You'd think the goal would be to gather my boys around the table at 6:15 each night and attempt to mimic the great example we've been given....but that's just not going to happen. Most nights we are at a game or practice at that time of day and dinner is out on the counter for all to enjoy when they can get to it. You may sit or stand, use paper or plastic, eat a little or a lot, heat it up or eat it cold....like I said, it's not exactly pretty. Darn.
I've decided that the most important idea though, is the gathering together part and I'm trying to make that happen. We are going to be living room gatherers instead of kitchen gatherers. We are going to engage our kids in conversation without an electronic device in any of our hands. We are going to talk and laugh and share stories and make eye contact. We are going to teach them about politics, religion, geography, and calculus....no, that's not true. We are just going to talk.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Growing Pains
Well, I never finished my 1 year of blogging. Quinn decided to become a major challenge of a toddler and suddenly I found myself trying to make sure he didn't burn the house down (seriously, there was gasoline involved one day). Taking the time to blog became a ridiculous idea.
But lately I have thought about writing on here again. I think it's because we are having the coldest winter in history (or it feels that way) and going outside - well another ridiculous thought! So if we are stuck inside, maybe I should write?
While we've been spending our days at home I potty trained Quinner. For such a stubborn fella he rocked the situation. I'm so proud of him and he's so proud of himself. When Hudson's friends were over the other day he wanted to tell them all about it and even said in his most polite voice, "Do you think, ummm...Well would you mind if I showed you my underwear?" And then he dropped trou to reveal one hundred little Diego's all over his big boy briefs. He's a fun one, my Q. I kind of feel like I've accomplished something big having my last out of diapers. Did I say last? Shoot. I think I said it.
* Tip: always potty train in the dead of winter, right after the holidays when you have a lot to clean and work on while you STAY HOME FOR A FEW DAYS STRAIGHT and focus on the potty process! I did it like this with Hudson and now Quinn. I thought I'd train the other two during the summer and I can't believe how much harder it was.
So, I feel like life has been interesting around here lately - and not because there are a lot of cool things going on or places visited - interesting because my little family seems to be shifting toward a new phase. We are dipping our toes in pre-teen/teenage waters and I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable and uneasy and well....a little down. The experience is stirring up all kinds of insecurities and emotions - not in my children as much as in ME! I was not expecting this and I'm trying to figure it out.
The peace and confidence I found in raising my little crew feels like it's being chipped away as we navigate this new stage of life. This makes me frustrated with myself because they need me to know how to handle all of these new situaitons better than I am. I figured I'd know how to mother through these years because I lived through them myself. But guess what? I've never been a pre-teen boy and it is different.
In a lot of ways watching your children suffer growing pains is harder than going through them yourself. Brian and I have noticed that we are much more aware of what they are facing and how it's affecting them than they are. Kids are lucky enough to have tunnel vision, while we have the whole stinking panoramic view. Sometimes this view can sure make you worry.
Basically, just as my kids are experiencing growing pains I am experiencing growing pains. I'm having to grow as a mother and a person. I sometimes fall asleep at night wishing they were all still little and we were in the early years bubble that I so thrived in. Those are more comfortable years for an introvert like myself. But life wasn't meant to be lived in a bubble and I am SO grateful to have these boys with me no matter what stage of life we are in. I couldn't love them more.
The best news is that this is just the beginning. You know how the saying goes - little people, little problems. Big people......
I hope I get the hang of this.
Should I leave a dedication? That's what I used to do right? I dedicate this post to my boys, of course. Guys, I'm really (really, really) trying to get this motherhood thing right. But you're surely going to have to forgive me one day anyway.
But lately I have thought about writing on here again. I think it's because we are having the coldest winter in history (or it feels that way) and going outside - well another ridiculous thought! So if we are stuck inside, maybe I should write?
While we've been spending our days at home I potty trained Quinner. For such a stubborn fella he rocked the situation. I'm so proud of him and he's so proud of himself. When Hudson's friends were over the other day he wanted to tell them all about it and even said in his most polite voice, "Do you think, ummm...Well would you mind if I showed you my underwear?" And then he dropped trou to reveal one hundred little Diego's all over his big boy briefs. He's a fun one, my Q. I kind of feel like I've accomplished something big having my last out of diapers. Did I say last? Shoot. I think I said it.
* Tip: always potty train in the dead of winter, right after the holidays when you have a lot to clean and work on while you STAY HOME FOR A FEW DAYS STRAIGHT and focus on the potty process! I did it like this with Hudson and now Quinn. I thought I'd train the other two during the summer and I can't believe how much harder it was.
So, I feel like life has been interesting around here lately - and not because there are a lot of cool things going on or places visited - interesting because my little family seems to be shifting toward a new phase. We are dipping our toes in pre-teen/teenage waters and I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable and uneasy and well....a little down. The experience is stirring up all kinds of insecurities and emotions - not in my children as much as in ME! I was not expecting this and I'm trying to figure it out.
The peace and confidence I found in raising my little crew feels like it's being chipped away as we navigate this new stage of life. This makes me frustrated with myself because they need me to know how to handle all of these new situaitons better than I am. I figured I'd know how to mother through these years because I lived through them myself. But guess what? I've never been a pre-teen boy and it is different.
In a lot of ways watching your children suffer growing pains is harder than going through them yourself. Brian and I have noticed that we are much more aware of what they are facing and how it's affecting them than they are. Kids are lucky enough to have tunnel vision, while we have the whole stinking panoramic view. Sometimes this view can sure make you worry.
Basically, just as my kids are experiencing growing pains I am experiencing growing pains. I'm having to grow as a mother and a person. I sometimes fall asleep at night wishing they were all still little and we were in the early years bubble that I so thrived in. Those are more comfortable years for an introvert like myself. But life wasn't meant to be lived in a bubble and I am SO grateful to have these boys with me no matter what stage of life we are in. I couldn't love them more.
The best news is that this is just the beginning. You know how the saying goes - little people, little problems. Big people......
I hope I get the hang of this.
Should I leave a dedication? That's what I used to do right? I dedicate this post to my boys, of course. Guys, I'm really (really, really) trying to get this motherhood thing right. But you're surely going to have to forgive me one day anyway.
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