Growing Pains

Well,  I never finished my 1 year of blogging.  Quinn decided to become a major challenge of a toddler and suddenly I found myself trying to make sure he didn't burn the house down (seriously, there was gasoline involved one day).  Taking the time to blog became a ridiculous idea. 

But lately I have thought about writing on here again.  I think it's because we are having the coldest winter in history (or it feels that way) and going outside - well another ridiculous thought! So if we are stuck inside,  maybe I should write? 

While we've been spending our days at home I potty trained Quinner.  For such a stubborn fella he rocked the situation. I'm so proud of him and he's so proud of himself.  When Hudson's friends were over the other day he wanted to tell them all about it and even said in his most polite voice, "Do you think, ummm...Well would you mind if I showed you my underwear?" And then he dropped trou to reveal one hundred little Diego's all over his big boy briefs.  He's a fun one, my Q.  I kind of feel like I've accomplished something big having my last out of diapers.  Did I say last?  Shoot.  I think I said it. 

* Tip: always potty train in the dead of winter, right after the holidays when you have a lot to clean and work on while you STAY HOME FOR A FEW DAYS STRAIGHT and focus on the potty process!  I did it like this with Hudson and now Quinn.  I thought I'd train the other two during the summer and I can't believe how much harder it was. 

So, I feel like life has been interesting around here lately - and not because there are a lot of cool things going on or places visited - interesting because my little family seems to be shifting toward a new phase.  We are dipping our toes in pre-teen/teenage waters and I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable and uneasy and well....a little down.  The experience is stirring up all kinds of insecurities and emotions - not in my children as much as in ME! I was not expecting this and I'm trying to figure it out.

The peace and confidence I found in raising my little crew feels like it's being chipped away as we navigate this new stage of life.  This makes me frustrated with myself because they need me to know how to handle all of these new situaitons better than I am.  I figured I'd know how to mother through these years because I lived through them myself.  But guess what?  I've never been a pre-teen boy and it is different.  

In a lot of ways watching your children suffer growing pains is harder than going through them yourself.  Brian and I have noticed that we are much more aware of what they are facing and how it's affecting them than they are.  Kids are lucky enough to have tunnel vision, while we have the whole stinking panoramic view.  Sometimes this view can sure make you worry.  

Basically, just as my kids are experiencing growing pains I am experiencing growing pains.  I'm having to grow as a mother and a person.  I sometimes fall asleep at night wishing they were all still little and we were in the early years bubble that I so thrived in.  Those are more comfortable years for an introvert like myself.  But life wasn't meant to be lived in a bubble and I am SO grateful to have these boys with me no matter what stage of life we are in.  I couldn't love them more.

The best news is that this is just the beginning.  You know how the saying goes - little people, little problems.  Big people......

I hope I get the hang of this. 






Should I leave a dedication?  That's what I used to do right?  I dedicate this post to my boys, of course.  Guys, I'm really (really, really) trying to get this motherhood thing right.  But you're surely going to have to forgive me one day anyway.