FEELING Christmas

(I sent our cards out yesterday.  I was relieved, but a tad annoyed b/c I wrote the message on the card in such a rush that it is full of spelling and grammar mistakes.  Oh well!)


It seems like my kids have the shortest Christmas break ever.  I swear that when I was little we had a whole 3 weeks off...am I imagining that?  

But today they are finally home! I've been looking forward to the break.  I am happy to have them here - the house now feels like it has literally COME ALIVE with excitement! How exhausting and how fun.

As much as I've been looking forward to today - I actually have mixed feeling about Christmas.  It's such a special holiday and I totally appreciate the significance...it's just the other stuff that is hard for me sometimes.

I love searching and finding just the right gifts for the boys.  Getting them all wrapped up and under the tree makes me giddy with anticipation.  BUT (and this is a big BUT), I have trouble not feeling guilty for just how lucky we are and how we don't NEED most of these things we are buying. I feel uncomfortable when we have too much stuff around (I would be the worst rich person ever).  I worry about the families who don't have presents - or a house and food for that matter.  I worry that my kids are oblivious to this reality - that I'm spoiling them.

I like our home to feel simple and special - but sometimes it seems hard to make that happen this time of year with all the lists to check off and events to attend.   
 
I have to make a conscious effort not to get so overwhelmed by these feelings that it spoils the fun.

My biggest goal for this holiday was to see the season through my kids eyes (I did have a list of my other Christmas goals typed on here as well, but I deleted them because...well, because how boring!). When I look at any holiday through the eyes of my kids it makes me feel differently about all the work/guilt/stress/whatever...it eases the weird adult anxiety and lets me appreciate it. 

When I went to pick up Jude from school yesterday,  I saw (with my child-like eyes) the BEST THING EVER!  I saw a dad walking to the school with a Santa on his shoulders...I mean he was stuffed, of course, but he was a life size Santa along for the ride! The Dad walked into the school, stooping down to allow Santa to fit under the doorway, and went to pick up his son.  I watched as the boy came out of the school holding his Dad's hand - a GIANT grin on his face! I know that this boy is usually picked up by his mom so I'm sure that grin was not just about the funny Santa - but also because his dad was there.  When Jude got in my car I told him he had to see something....I raced down the road so he could get a glimpse of the dad, Santa, boy walking home.  We laughed and laughed.  Now that is a Christmas memory a little guy will never forget.  I love watching the things parents do for their children....trying to make things special for them.   It brings the Christmas spirit for sure. 

To celebrate being out of school we took the kids to a movie last night.  Then we headed to our favorite new pizza place.  Gosh it's good.  We were downtown in the cold, cold air all together.  The boys were smiling and happy.  Each of them, one by one, looked up at me and told me how EXCITED they are for Christmas.  I responded, "I AM TOO!"- and I meant it.

Despite some anxiety and guilt - I LOVE making things special for them. Wasn't Christmas amazing as a child?  If I slow down and think back I can still FEEL it.  I really can. I hope when my kids are grown they will be able to look back and FEEL the Christmas of their childhood.  And FEEL how much Brian and I loved having them here - little, wild, excited kids that they are.



I dedicate this post to the real meaning of Christmas...the best part of it all and the part I hope my kids will really FEEL forever.